Bare-Faced Cheek

For about six months now, I’ve been conducting an experiment with myself. It consists of a simple thing, that will be normal to many women, but it’s not normal for me – going out into the world with as little makeup on as possible, if any.

A few years ago, I saw a counsellor who set me a challenge – think of something that would take me out of my comfort zone and do it, one day a week, for a month. I thought of the worst thing possible for me – going out without makeup on – and chose to set myself that task. I remember going to work, cringing inside, head bowed low … and finding that nothing happened. I had to ask someone – a woman who always commented on everything I wore or my hairstyle – if she’d noticed anything different about me. She just said I looked a little paler than normal (that’s something for me, as my default shade is white), but she had to be prompted to say so.

I immediately went back to wearing the makeup but felt really pleased that I’d completed the challenge. It made me question why I felt the need to wear makeup all the time and why I felt ashamed without it. Why I felt I looked hideous. I questioned it but I carried on ‘using’ – some habits are hard to break. I’d been wearing makeup since I was 14 –  I was fascinated by my mum’s beauty routine and loved trying things from the basket of goodies on her dressing table. I distinctly remember being told off by the deputy headmistress to take off my blue Rimmel eyeliner with Pond’s Cold Cream in the girls’ loos. And the matching nail varnish.

Years later, I remember telling that counsellor that I felt ‘exhausted being me’. I didn’t know quite what I meant at the time but it had less to do with all the challenges of a burgeoning career and more to do with the ‘lady maintenance’ that came with it. I felt I had to be perfect at everything – brilliant at my job, at looking good, at fitness, at home life. Of course, no one can be, and the strain had started to show. The daily armour of clothes and makeup were just a fact of life for me, and the ex-husband who had to wait for me to don it, even for a trip to B&Q at the weekend. While most people ‘upgrade’ their lives on holiday – staying at nice hotels, taking their best outfits with them for glamorous cocktail evenings – I began to love our ‘roughing it’ holidays, where I wore (almost) no makeup and ‘outdoor’ clothing the whole time and went to bed when it went dark. This, for me, was relaxation. No more armour – just me.

When the ‘No Makeup Selfie’ craze started last year, I posted a defiant ‘NEVER’ on Facebook, and then immediately wondered why I felt so strongly about not doing it. I often think my friends look more beautiful without makeup, and their selfies showed it. Why not me? I genuinely thought I looked hideous and it took me until this summer to take one of myself, where I thought, ‘actually, I look ok’. But I didn’t post it.

I only decided to pull back on wearing so much makeup when I watched the movie Boyhood this summer, starring Patricia Arquette. In it, she plays a mother around my age, and the action is filmed in real time over the course of ten years. I was fascinated at how beautiful she looked, with minimal makeup and fresh-faced maturity, year after year. I thought I’d give it a try the next day and then didn’t stop. I went to bars and clubs with just mascara and myself. Nothing changed. Same reaction from women and men, the world continued to turn, I felt more authentically me. I suppose that bit was the real change. I didn’t need a ‘smoky eye’ to attract attention – confidence is the key.

Part of the reason for writing this blog is about presenting an authentic self – look at me from any angle and you get the same person. Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, blog, real life – it’s all the same version of me, seen from different camera angles. If I’m going to be honest on here, then I’m going to reflect that in real life. Here I am. Unadorned, unfiltered. And I like it.

It made me so sad to see the furore surrounding Renee Zellweger and her radical face change. She appeared at a Women in Hollywood event this week and has faced a barrage of criticism over apparent ‘work’ she’s had done to stave off ageing. Beautiful, cute Renee – years of maintaining that facade has carried forward into a desperate need to change her amazing face at 45. The face that’s been key to her career, that has never been ‘classically’ beautiful but able to assume characters so easily, that has made us all love her.

Like many actresses in her forties, Renee’s scrabbled around to salvage something from her youthful image and in the process lost something of herself. She’s been trolled mercilessly about it by the same people who would criticise her for having the temerity to appear in public looking her actual age. If I was her, or Courtney, Jennifer, Cameron or Sarah Jessica, I’d have buckled under the pressure and had the work done too. And look at Claudia Winkleman – a woman I admire greatly, forced to retreat behind her fringe and heavy eye makeup just for daring to go without both for one night when presenting Strictly. Shame on you, Twitter. I thought she looked amazing as we saw her as she really was, for one brief moment.

It feels odd to finally like your face after forty-seven years on the planet, when undoubtedly it was much more pleasing to look at about twenty-five years ago. I remember liking my reflection when I was 14/15 then suddenly hating it at 17/18. Something happened to make me switch and I wonder if it was the realisation that there was a set of ‘lady rules’ I was meant to abide by. I realised with horror that I’d been caught not following them and scrabbled around to catch up. For heaven’s sake, I’d been out in the world with nothing but lipgloss , a sweatshirt and stretch jeans – what was I thinking?! Give me my armour now.

I’ve not completely given up on makeup and nice clothes – I love fashion and beauty and will never stop loving them. What’s changed is that I don’t feel I have to do them. It’s a choice. If I want to have a smoky eye, I’ll have it – I just don’t feel it’s absolutely necessary to cover up my shrinking fortysomething eyes. If anything, it calls attention to them. I will look people in the eye with only mascara for cover and not flinch, but more importantly, I’ll look at myself in the mirror and smile.

Hello you.

————————————————–

My Year Without Makeup:

http://www.salon.com/2013/01/10/my_year_without_makeup/

On ageing and plastic surgery:

http://www.salon.com/2014/10/27/i_know_renee_zellwegers_pain/

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Redwoods1

Fifty-five-year-old woman flying solo since 2010. Freelance writer, editor, hiker, traveller, yoga teacher. Alcohol-, child-, and hair-dye-free.

80 thoughts on “Bare-Faced Cheek”

  1. How lovely. 🙂 I admire your “bravery”. I can’t even go to Sainsbury’s on a Saturday without at least an eyeliner and lip gloss. But I do like my face (and body shape) far more now than when I was in my teens. It’s been a looong journey of self-acceptance though, so I can relate to this post.

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  2. I am in the middle of writing a blog about make-up and all the surgical and non surgical youth enhancing products, injections, etc. that are being pushed on women as we age, especially women in the public eye, most especially entertainers except, unlike you, I am reflecting on my reflection through the eyes of a woman approaching 65 in less than 30 days. Your blog has given me more to think about as I complete my piece. Thank you.

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  3. You hit it on the nose: Confidence. No amount of make up can cover up an insecurity, and the sooner we become more comfortable with our bodies and our faces, and the sooner we start flaunting our uniqueness rather than trying to blend into the crowd, we can celebrate our diversity and our unique beauty that we all hold differently. This is not only a personal feat, but it’s setting the precedence for generations to come and breaking this insane ideology of “lady rules”. Thanks for posting! I look forward to future posts!

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  11. Hello new followers and rebloggers – thanks so much for your support. Please do browse my archive – I’ve written about being childfree by choice, choosing to leave my marriage, dating, depression – all sorts of things you might like. It’s great to have you on board.

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  16. I applaud you! I wear make-up so much (because I work for cosmetic brand) that even days where I don’t need to wear a full face, I have to put something on or I feel like I’m naked and everyone’s staring at me. In reality it’s usually all in my head. I wish I could do a whole year. I will one day.

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    1. Mascara is all I wear, if I wear any make up at all. For me, it’s because it a) makes me look more awake when I’m tired, and b) makes me look a bit older (mainly because people associate make up with adult women and clear faces with children, I think). I just prefer the look of my eyes with bolder eyelashes, I think. I doubt anyone else even notices whether I’m wearing it or not.

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  21. Nicely stated ! I quit wearing make up everyday earlier this year and have not looked back. I support anyone who is going more natural 🙂
    It’s time and money saving and not only that I’m interested in removing products that have been tested on animals from my beauty regimen. Most cosmetics are tested on animals unless it has the little bunny logo on the bottom or back.
    I agree with your comments in Renee Zellweger 😦
    Hollywood is brutal when it comes to looks and aging and it’s really sad what these beautiful women have to do to their faces and bodies to try and keep a young look.
    It’s unnatural and absolutely ridiculous to be so hung up on how anyone looks when you think of ACTUAL tragic things that are going on in the world. Superficial society we live in.

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  24. In my case, is the other way around. I feel uncomfortable to feel over dressed, over exaggerated, to seem loud and attention starving. When I lived in New York it was easy, it made sense, now in Virginia well its humble me.

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  26. Reblogged this on allysjournals and commented:
    I loved this read. I love make up. But I only wear it on the weekends. I have lots of moles and I dont mean freckles I mean molessssss. All scattered around the face and slowly moving through my body. Gosh I make myself sound gross. But for me im lazy for the daily routine of make up before work or to go about my day. And also lazy to remove it at night. I work at a preschool childcare and the 4 and 5 yr olds constantly point out my moles. It makes me insecure a little but im slowly not caring as much. My point? I have none haha. I think at the end it’s how we make ourselvew comfortable with ourselves and overtime it becomes the norm.

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  27. I loved this read. I love make up. But I only wear it on the weekends. I have lots of moles and I dont mean freckles I mean molessssss. All scattered around the face and slowly moving through my body. Gosh I make myself sound gross. But for me im lazy for the daily routine of make up before work or to go about my day. And also lazy to remove it at night. I work at a preschool childcare and the 4 and 5 yr olds constantly point out my moles. It makes me insecure a little but im slowly not caring as much. My point? I have none haha. I think at the end it’s how we make ourselvew comfortable with ourselves and overtime it becomes the norm.

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  28. I chose not to wear make up because I never learned how and because I am now so used to me without make up I just don’t choose to learn, but also because I am proud of me and I don’t exist in this world to be attractive according to cultural standards. I guess it’s my rebellion against a body image and appearance obsessed culture never to learn. The only time that I feel uncomfortable is at weddings because there is less room for diversity there. Fortunately, I don’t know how to apply makeup so I am forced to confront my discomfort and challenge the status quo.

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  40. I love your purpose for your blog! I’m a hair stylist and I breath artificial nails, fake hair color and so much more. I started my blog to really push women to love there natural beauty so I’ll be looking forward to more posts from you!

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  42. Bravo! Embrace the woman beneath the facade. I’m 45, and yes, of course I worry about the affects of aging on my body and my face. I just recently purchased a DermaWand to tighten things up. And there is no doubt that I am much more aesthetically pleasing when I have on make-up. But I use it occasionally now. I concentrate more on keeping exfoliated, cleansed, and moisturized daily. I don’t need makeup anymore to feel like a beautiful middle-aged woman. It comes with age and wisdom. Love your blog.

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  44. Nice! When I changed my stance on make up, there were a few comments here and there. It’s more noticeable for black women, I think. But after a really short while everyone got used to my new look. Now I believe my real make-up is the confidence I exude when I go about my daily activities. That’s it for me

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  45. I applaud you! I am fair skinned with blonde hair/eyelashes. My addiction to makeup consists of two items I cannot live without in order to feel attractive: foundation and mascara. A little coverage with a sheer foundation to eliminate my naturally ruddy complexion and a tinge of black mascara transforms me into presentable — not beautiful but simply able to gaze back at the world and feel good about myself. As I age, (I am soon to be 53) I do feel less is more in terms of shadow and lipstick. When I visit cosmetic counters I keep dreaming of finding the perfect eye pencil to make me more attractive but have realized that no cosmetic can really hide the natural progression of age. I sometimes wish I could of been of a heritage that bestowed me with a golden/darker complexion and black fringed lashes. I really feel that it is easier for darker complexioned women to forego makeup entirely and still look presentable but alas for me, I really do feel “nude” without due to my fairness. When I was in my 20’s and lived in NYC, I occasionally visited Mario Badescu skin care for an eyelash tint though ceased visiting when the dye got in my eye one day, not pleasant. I do recall one particular visit wherein a fair haired gentleman was standing next to me at the counter. The cosmetologist asked him what he was having done that day and he whispered, eyes downcast, his reply almost inaudibly. But I heard … “An eyelash tint!” Case proved. Even for men, light eyelashes are deemed undesirable. Not sure I will ever have the courage to face the world mascara free as sad as that sounds. Though I always have my sunglasses to hide behind if I ever feel daring enough.

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    1. Hi – I hope I’ve made it clear that I’m still wearing mascara! Some things are sacred. I have dark lashes but even that’s not enough for me. If I had fair lashes I’d be getting them dyed AND wearing mascara. No doubt.

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